Will i be lonely

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Will i be lonely

Postby Looking » 23rd May 2012, 16:57

Dear Zambia,

Is it too soon to accept that I'll be lonely for the rest of my life? I'm 33, I own my house, car, good steady career, my health, I have a great circle of friends, both parents still together and live near by, close relationships with my brothers, and nephews. I'm lucky with what I have and grateful for all of this.

I have had relationships through my 20s, one lasting 6 years, others 6-12 months. They didn't work out for their own reasons, no bad feelings on either side.

I'm just now getting to the stage in my life where all I see are my friends getting married, having kids, I have always wanted this too, but it's just not worked that way for me. I'm beginning to wonder is this it, have I missed the boat?

Sure, I could meet someone in my late 30s, 40s, 50s and be happy with that person, but there would be no family of my own, and I'm not really looking to move into a ready-made family. It may work for some, but I've been there and don't want to do that again.

I have dated friends of friends, even tried blind dates, but no luck.

I'm average looking, the problem isn't attracting a women, it's finding one that connects, I'm not being fussy with any criteria, I'm only looking for that 121 connection, in some cases I've given it a few weeks to see if anything develops, but nothing.

I've stopped looking now for about 6 months, not giving a second thought about dating anyone, just work and enjoying myself doing the things I love to do...I think part of me has given up, and accepted this is it, it's just me until I'm old and grey.

Have I hit the reality of life, or am just unlucky and you all ended up with someone?
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Looking
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Ohlovingone » 23rd May 2012, 18:47

Dear Looking,

I can understand what you are going through, finding someone you can truely connect with is sometimes a challenge. But keep doing what you are doing right now and when you least expect it, you will find someone you can connect with. Just never try too hard, you may just end up settling and that is the worst thing to ever do.
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Ohlovingone
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Grounded » 23rd May 2012, 19:20

Dear Looking,

Your post made interesting reading. Like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I gotta tell you, when I first started reading, I thought you was a woman. Of course I'm prejudiced into thinking that only women are prone to become old maids without a husband. I'm sorry about my prejudicial thoughts. But let me finish telling you about my prejudice. Before you revealed that you got a perfectly normal penis, I was thinking you was a woman who is probably ugly as heck. I'm really sorry.

But now that I know, let try to tackle your issue from ground up.

What are your standards in picking a mate? Are you very, very picky and judgmental? Do you have a hundred pet peeves? Do you go out with a girl on a date and simply from the way she chews her food you automatically disqualify her as a potential marriage material?

The reason I'm posing those questions is that I find most people who cannot get hitched, are looking for a "perfect" partner who does not exist. And some are too self centered to understand that in order to find happiness with another person, one has got to give up certain personal preferences.

All in all, in my capacity here as a remote control counselor, I would advice you to stop looking for a particular partner but instead focus your attention on yourself. Come to terms with who you are and what that person (you) can bring into a relationship with another person.

Truth be told, under normal circumstances, at 33, you should have been married. It's not a crime that you are not. But there's also a good reason you are single. Either by conscious choice or subconsciously.
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Grounded
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Slumdog Shalapungu » 23rd May 2012, 21:54

I too thought I was thought this was an estrogen laded post by a woman. Seriously bro you do sound like a woman with a biological clock ticking because they are the ones go nuts when no one wants to wife them at that age. You are just in culture where you are mentally programmed to look for a wife or pressured inadvertently by your peers . I am in my mid to late 20's and literally of all my peers on the homeground literally a handful are not married with little crumb snatchers garnishing their whole paycheck. I sometimes feel left out that quickly evaporates when I know I don't have to buy tebela's or be woken by ear piercing screams in the am . Frankly at 33 you still have all the time in the world and all this zambian culture of ' nanga iwe ukwatila liti' will just make you rush and get the wrong one. Too many of these young marriages pa zed are hitting rock bottom too damn quick, i know too many people my age who are already getting divorced with this marriage 2.0. Anyway what age of girls are you looking to wife up anyway because i know if you are looking at the above 26 crowd in lusaka then you are treasure hunting in a medical waste bin with syringes
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Slumdog Shalapungu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Goda » 23rd May 2012, 22:20

The thing with my very dear friend Shalapungu is that he knows he is a loser, as far as marriage goes. But he is comfortable with it. He has no regrets. I respect that. A loser who has come to terms with his loser status.

Mind you, I'm only using the word loser as a relative term. Speaking from the point of view of a married dude. I realize Shalapungu does not see his being a loser as a handicap at all. Nor should he.

Now my brother Looking I feel sorry for him because he is loveless but seems to want love. That is sad. Really, really sad.
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Goda
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Slumdog Shalapungu » 23rd May 2012, 22:35

Show me a picture of your wife and i will tell you the difference between me and you. I just have standards I literally am spoiled for choice when it comes to offers of love it's just that i do not settle for less than what I want. Not to toot ones horn but if i wanted to get married tomorow I would with no problems but i am just not that guy who settles for less and cry that I am a winner like yourself. Now show us your wife and i promise i won't say anything far from the truth. YYpu sound like the typical sexually starved wiped little boy whose only chance of getting regular sex and love is by marrying someone. Maybe you never had any ounce of game or confidence but when you are a man that a good mouthpiece and can put a womans mind in a prison of air offers of love are normal only problem is its never mutual from my side, am sure this will fly across your head but society does need spineless people like you to highlight people like me
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Slumdog Shalapungu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Goda » 23rd May 2012, 22:54

ha ha! ati not settle for less than what i want. That's my boy Shalapungu. Tim he ain't cocky as hell he ain't Shalapungu. Yes big shot, you are an ardonis. You're the shit. You've told me that a hundred times.
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Goda
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Slumdog Shalapungu » 23rd May 2012, 23:15

Standards have got nothing to do with looks its knowing ones worth. I see a lot of guys like you marrying vimbuza dancers with cankles thinking like thats some sort of achievement only to be sweating via their eyes years later regretting settling down and then going on a cheating spree with usually ends up with a coffin at leopards hill. See I like quality and not one to give in to silly societal pressure just to fill up some mental quota for so called love, in a way thats a weak trait and unmanly. A man should not seek love but seek procreation and family building when it comes to a woman , love is just an extra condition thats abundant. Anyway you have answered my question by not posting your wife which shows you have no confidence in your choice
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Slumdog Shalapungu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Goda » 23rd May 2012, 23:26

"vimbuza dancers with cankles" ha ha ha! You see, this is why I never tire of my boy's company.

Shalapungu, you have an open invitation to my weekly chibuku parties in Mtendere. I know I can count on some good bellowing laughter.

and don't think I butchered your title on purpose, earlier. I meant you are an Adonis, of course. Mine is especially a bigger crime because I misspelled the title of a man who has women falling all over his feet. I should be ashamed of myself!
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Goda
 

Curse of Shalapungu

Postby JoJo » 24th May 2012, 10:35

If DZ has an affliction, it must be the “Curse of Shalapungu” whereby the aforementioned poster (he is only one of several, but it had to be named after someone) inserts themselves in a thread and, like a five-year old yelling for attention when the adults are speaking, manages, every time and in every topic, to make sure the topic is either becomes about them or devolves into some pissing match between them and another provoked party. This leaves the original poster and everyone else thinking the same thing: “WTF was that all about?”
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JoJo
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Kacy » 24th May 2012, 12:22

Looking,

I guess our paths have never crossed. give me your email add
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Kacy
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Efi » 24th May 2012, 12:54

Shalapungu,

You talk too much dude. what time do you even work? You are like stuck on dear zambia like its your life support or something. Its true, maybe you need a woman to spend sometime with unless ofcourse internet has solved that for you.

Kacy,
Patience my dear. love will find you, dont go looking for it on dear zambia. People just write these tuma articles to tickle your heart and make you weak in the knees and fall all over for them. Chill my dear, ifintu nipanono
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Efi
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Kacy » 24th May 2012, 14:25

efi, unlike you, i am a very intelligent young woman who knows what im doing. people meet in different ways and fall in love. you are so negative my friend, and i think shalapungu hasnt said any word to you but there you go talking as if you have been talked too. try keeping quiet, it works.
it seems looking has gone into hiding kekeke.
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Kacy
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Happy » 24th May 2012, 16:39

This is the magic of good old DZ. A match made in heaven. Kacy and Looking. Just send us the wedding invitation, you two.
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Happy
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Slumdog shalapungu » 24th May 2012, 17:04

Kacy , thank you. My name just telelas on the lullimi so these chaps relish the idea of addressing me . The thing is why they dedicate keystrokes to me while ignoring the threadstarter and et have the nerve to complain how the thread is disrailed . You see when you shine like a light you get people unfortunately who act like inswa chasing the light. The life of an inswa is short lived thu fly once an lose their mapepe and end up on a frying pan. Kacy I like women like you taking the initiative to spark the flame to bebesha the thread starters heart.
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Slumdog shalapungu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Sopu » 24th May 2012, 17:15

shalapungu, did someone ever tell you you have a big head? well, now you know.
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Sopu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Kacy » 24th May 2012, 19:54

Y'all hate this guy shalapungu. Tell me something i dont know coz im kinda new here, what has this man shalapungu done to you dear zambia people? if i hear your side of story, maybe i might change the side im on but in the mean time, im with shalapungu coz he seems to be the victim here.

wedding bells? hmmm, this looking man has stood me up, been waiting all day and part of the night lol.
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Kacy
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Fumbi » 24th May 2012, 20:01

Kacy

to be honest with you, 'hate' is far too strong a word. Anyone who says they hate shalapungu, must have their own issues too. shalapungu is simply a nuisance. He is a pain in the butt. but at the same token, he is a lovable little creature.

If you find yourself loving the little bugger, that's not a bad thing at all. I myself wish I could squeeze his chubby cheeks every now and then, because the little rascal is so amusing and cute.
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Fumbi
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Slumdog Shalapungu » 24th May 2012, 20:51

Kacy some people on dearzambia have too much salt in their system, I blame a childhood of feasting on many tobomutwe's . Anyway dearzambia is like a classroom theres noise makers, scripture union folk, sleepy folk and studious folk who surprisingly always fail,we all fit in somewhere. The hap is not ignoring you he is just out of reach ku know how dodgy the Internet is in Zambia . Just to draw him out what do you feel you can offer the nkungulume that many women can not offer him? Age,job, chitenge and sofia size etc. and just to show him how serious you are post a
Chi snap of course you can hide the mfeshi for privacy reasons .
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Slumdog Shalapungu
 

Re: Will i be lonely

Postby Fumbi » 24th May 2012, 21:03

Kacy,
i agree with almost everything shalapungu wrote except the stupid idea of you posting your photo on DZ.

for starters, shalapungu himself will be the first to hit on you. Then a whole train load of other horny geezers will be flocking to knock you up. Bad idea mwandi.

if you are serious about this Looking chap (and supposing Looking himself is not some frighteningly ugly rhino's ass) I suggest you take it slow. Maybe e-mails, phone calls. And if you still feel into the guy, then arrange a meeting in a well lit, public place. Then you can take it from there.
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Fumbi
 

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