Need Advice

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Need Advice

Postby Mr DZ » 4th August 2011, 09:04

Dear Zambia,

Dear Wise Men of DZ (no manlove intended)


I am one of your critics and regular commentor on various issues or topics.I must say i have found myself in a tight spot and would like to find out a few things or two from you older and wiser geezers(no offence) who have been around the dating scene for a while. Please feel free to digest my situation and advise and please reduce the punchlines and the onliners which i a have to admit i throw sometimes.

My situation is i am a 24yr Old brother with a promising white collar career and dreams like all the million zambians.I have been dating this beautiful lady whom i love way too much (which is rare these days).The situation is she is a year plus older than i am.My question to you wise one or older fellows is there room for such a relationship to blossom in our society or in general so to say or should i take this as the attack of a young mans hormones playing tricks on me or my mother issues because iam a guy who lost all his family and rolling solo hence advice like this can not be found anywhere.I want to know if such situations work,is theres a future for us? because i am willing to take this the whole 100 yards(with time of course)



Thank You.
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Mr DZ
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby No Worries » 4th August 2011, 09:13

Mr DZ,

Ask RB, his relationship has a gap of close to three (3) decades and it has worked. Yours is only 365 days plus 1 day if it is leap year. Definately it can work. Unless the beautiful lady looks older than her age.
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No Worries
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby BigFreeze » 4th August 2011, 09:22

So, what exactly is the problem? If you really were in love, the 365 days wouldn't even be an issue. You don't love her.
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BigFreeze
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Mr DZ » 4th August 2011, 09:37

Mr Freeze

I assume you are the old geezer here(No Pun intended).

i wanted to hear it from some one who has seen it work and if in this case love alone is enough.
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Mr DZ
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Mebo » 4th August 2011, 14:19

Ba DZ

What is your problem exactly kanshi? I remember I used to say am 6 years and 4 months or 8 years and 5 months, when I was a kid. When I grew into a teenager or started my 20s.. I started saying am 14 or 21.. age is nothing but a number. In a relationship if you can get things going, love God (genuinely) and are compatible with each other - and respect each other, what's stopping you from being together?

I think its just our African mentality where 'chiwamila galu kuluma mbuzi' - what's good for some isn't good for others. Only older people can look for younger ones and not vice versa.. I personally don't believe in such.

So my brother please go with your heart in this instance.
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Mebo
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Redcard » 5th August 2011, 00:20

Mr. DZ,

I don't know you at all but with no fanfair I can tell you this relationship is doomed and I'll tell you why.

For reasons unknown to me, you start to have doubts about the 'workability' of your relationship. As other pundits have pointed out, the age thing is a non-issue. So what's the issue? You tell me. Whatever it is you are your own worst enemy.

Stop screwing around and get serious with your love life. Quit coming up with silly excuses to ask why your relationship may or may not work.

Seriously your concern is silly. It's no different than me coming here and saying, ladies and gents, please help me out. The girl I'm dating has a second toe that's longer than her big toe. Have you ever seen a relationship work in which the girl's second toe is longer than the big toe??? And then if someone gives me advice I say, don't give me advice if you have never seen a relationship work out with a girl who has such toes.

It's silly. Just get with it or shut up.
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Redcard
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby VOICE » 5th August 2011, 22:17

The youngster has come clean and wants some advice. It is perfectly normal for you to ask, and that does not mean you don't love her enough. You are wondering how society will look at you, well in a situation such as this f**k society and get it going. Don't let old ways get in your way.
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VOICE
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Redcard » 5th August 2011, 23:39

The Voice,

before I mouth off anything inappropriate, let me confess that I'm one of those who easily miss something other people can see clearly. So help me out, my friend. What is this boy's legitimate concern over this girl? What is it that makes him think society might cast him as a misfit if he marries the girl? That's what I fail to see.

There are certain things that to me are clearly worthy of concern by a young man thinking about jumping into marriage. For example a young man goes to the strip club and he is completely over taken by a psycho sexual obsession over one of the stripper girls. And he wants to marry her. And he wonders what society will think of him for marrying a stripper. I can understand such a concern. Or the young man whose father is dating a girl about the son's age. And that boy starts to salivate over his dad's girls and the two decide to bump the old man out of the way and start their own raunchy sex liaison. This kind of soap opera type of mischief I can see the concern on the young man's part. But this guy here, what's his worry? I don't get it.
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Redcard
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby The red hood » 6th August 2011, 00:12

You don't sound like you have confidence in yourself by your question. How can society have any sort of detrimental impact on something you wholely control with your missus. Age should not be your concern but other things like compatibility should be your concern if you want to go far in relationship. It's the little things and resolve of two people that want a relationship to work that makes relationships last. What kind of woman is she, does she treat you well, what do her actions say, whats her family and friends like, whats her philosophy on life... these are the questions you need to answer yourself honestly to see how far you will go. Age means nothing if you are just a year apart
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The red hood
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby VOICE » 6th August 2011, 10:33

Redcard, what we have here is a raw kid, as he says, orphaned and has therefore lacked something in his upbringing, perhaps the confidence among other things. His lack of exposure stands out, thats why he finds age difference as a challenge. These are things he would have come accross as a teenager and taken a stance years ago. He has missed out on a number of things in his past.
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VOICE
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Steven » 7th August 2011, 17:46

Instead of playing movies in your head about the reasons or motives for the relationship why not rather "feel" it with your heart, if you make each other laugh, if you can sit for hours painting your dreams to each other, if those dreams have enough common ground, why not just enjoy the opportunity to create, anything else will surely break down that that could have been beautiful......age.....i know 80 year olds that is 16 and i know 16 year olds that is 80, it is but a number and have nothing to do with honesty, truth, trust, tenderness, the things that actually makes love love
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Steven
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Ya » 7th August 2011, 21:49

Steven iwe, ha ha ha! ati if you can sit for hours painting your dreams to each other. Now that is one mighty movie line!
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Ya
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Whitney Houston » 8th August 2011, 13:22

No offence intended but the only sensible thing on this thread is Redcard... now this dude's keyboard is spitting it as it is. DZ you have bigger issues bugging you than you are letting on. my advice is take what Redcard has told you to heart. you wont find a more sensible key board believe me.
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Whitney Houston
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Mr DZ » 9th August 2011, 13:01

Thankx to those who have given out some positive critisism and advice.
Otherwise you said what you had to say and i got some sense and bull from some.
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Mr DZ
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby ZD » 9th August 2011, 14:26

DZ

dude!!!?? JUST WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????????????
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ZD
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby BigFreeze » 9th August 2011, 16:24

Do you really believe that some gave you bull? DZ, you have run out of your medication haven't you?
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BigFreeze
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Regular » 9th August 2011, 18:32

Mr. DZ, you sound like a spoiled brat. You sound very ungrateful. You are the one who came here asking for help. You should have made it plainly clear that you are not really asking for advice but rather for comments that please your ears. If you were not a spoiled brat, you would thank everyone with no exceptions. Not just the positive comments.

You don't even bother to say what you learned from the comments people gave you. What's your decision on this girlfriend of yours? Of course maybe that's none of our business, so next time keep your silly problems to yourself. Maybe you don't even have a girlfriend. It was all fantasy while you were sitting around watching a rooster mounting a chicken.
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Regular
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby My Opinion » 9th August 2011, 19:34

Redcard you have cracked me up!
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My Opinion
 

Re: Need Advice

Postby Guest » 10th August 2011, 12:43

Age is nothing but a number when two people are in love. you are in love with her and thats all that matters, and her being 'slightly' older than you should stop not you 'young man' from loving your woman truly and completely and if you really, and i mean really love her then the age difference should not bother you at all. even if the lady looks older than you that doesn't mean the relationship can not work. and mostly you will find that women look older even when they are younger than their husbands. maybe she also has the same fears you have but because she loves too much she wont raise them!
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Guest
 


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