Most Weird Things Maids Do

[guest**]

Dear Zambia,

Just wanted to share some experiences or stories of the most weird things maids in Zambia do....Share yours too.


One day, I brought a big and juicy looking watermelon home from the market. Some friends came to visit so as we were talking away in the living room, I asked the maid to cut up the watermelon and serve the visitors.
10 minutes past so I called to her in the kitchen...

me: "What is taking you this long. Is everything ok"

maid: "Kwashalafye panono" (just a few more minutes)

20 minutes past and still no watermelon...so I called to her again

me: Iwe chitechi, Whats taking you so long. The visitors are waiting.

maid: Sorry Aunty, Ndeleta nombaline...(Am about to bring it)

30 minutes past, now I got impatient so I got up and went to the kitchen.

me: Ponse paja whats taking you so long?

maid: Ndiye pamene chapya manje...

me with a puzzled look: Iwe, wa boiler watermelon. Si kupika ichi nikudya che mwamene so

maid: Sorry....Nenzo ganiza ni chipushi...(pumpkin). Nilibo ziba.

Moral of the story...SOME MAIDS WILL EMBARASS YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR VISITORS....LOL

[Foloko]

A friend of mine in Lusaka brought a girl from the village to be the maid.

Did the tour of the house and all. Not forgetting to show the new maid the toilet. Because it was a fancy one so they made sure they showed her how it flushes. Did not go into details about shitting and urinating and all. They thought no need to elaborate. Big mistake.

Next thing the man of the house asks if she can fetch him a glass of water. In no time the girl brought the water. Then the wife decided to wonder aloud why the glass was dripping with water all over. The girl says she got the water from the well. Which well? the wife asks. The one you showed me, she says. The wife says, show me which well. The girl leads her to the toilet and says, that well. And that's when all hell broke loose.

True story.

[Guest]

In spite of all this madness, they can now still be stupid and pocket a minimum of K500,000.

I don't know if it's just me, maybe it is, I just can't tell, but my maid has the habit of seductively bending over sticking her ass out when she's doing cleaning or whatever!

[Kunkuliza]

Guest wrote :
>
> I don't know if it's just me, maybe it is, I just can't tell, but my maid
> has the habit of seductively bending over sticking her ass out when she's
> doing cleaning or whatever!


And she only does in front of your hubby, doesn't she?? I knew it! Hang on to your hubby, tooth and nail, my sister. These maids are good at seducing their male masters ka. And many male masters being dogs themselves, they just roll over.

[Ring leader]

guest** wrote :
>
> maid: Sorry....Nenzo ganiza ni chipushi...(pumpkin). Nilibo ziba.
>
>



Dear Guest**,

I blame you for this mishap. You took an Oxford trained botanist and tried to make her into a maid. Check this out.

QUOTE: The plant family Cucurbitaceae consists of various squashes, melons, and gourds, including crops such as cucumber, pumpkins, luffas, and watermelons. The family is predominantly distributed around the tropics. END QUOTE

Your maid was right. It is a pumpkin, after all [wink-wink]

[mukolwe]

i know, new things can embarrass even the smartest person. i grew up in the village so i really don't have any experience with maids except the ones i used to see when i visited my siblings/relatives ku kalale.

i think they (maids) put up with a lot of abuse for very little money and most of them are pretty hard working. sure at times they might steal some sugar or to salad just so they can go feed their families back home.

kalebalika mukwai

[need 4 speed]

i had one who boiled corn flakes for me. but months later his culinary skills improved remarkably thanks to my girlfriend

[Moi!]

I'd never train a maid how to cook for my man, ever! I'll do it myself, when I'm away he'd have to put up with eating maid cranck food til I'm back. Lest he becomes comfortable with her cooknig, Joze!

[Sam]

After paying millions of kwacha to import proper sink fixtures (not from China or RSA) that shut the water off with just a gentle turn, she feels the need (just to be sure, perhaps) to go and turn it another 180 degrees. I spend my weekend replacing rubber washers….

[Vizungu monga washing machine]

Umm buti mwenze bo beula ma maids? ine my family was militant the children in the house were the maids . When I was younger before my parents got forcefully retired we had a maid and she used to show me her breasts.

[navala sofia]

So I get 2 loaves of bread in the morning before going to work. I give instructions to the maid and leave for work.
I get back from work after 5pm and the maid gets off work.
I am hungry and tired so I decide to make myself a quick cup of tea with some bread. I search for the bread in the kitchen and it is nowhere to be found.
I am too tired to even start stressing...i know she didn't take it with her so at the back of my head I figure she ate both loaves of bread....I figure i will deal with it tomorrow
I prepare dinner for my family, we eat and later in the night, while washing the dishes, i reach out to grab the dish washing liquid from the cabinet under the sink.....ALAS..the 2 loaves of bread are there

So of all the cabinets in the kitchen, including the kitchen shelves..the best place my maid could think of storing the bread was underneath the kitchen sink.....REALLY

I still can't comprehend

[Be like Femi]

One of my friends lost her child beacuse the maid gave the child a whole grape, She did't bother to cut it into half or in 4 pieces despite seeing the mother do that all the time. The poor child choked on the grape and died...

True story...happened this year.

[jack daniels]

My maid steals my whiskey when she cleans the house.
So next time I'm going to piss in the bottle and see if she does it again.

Will let you know if my whiskey stays full after that.

[Chiwaya]

You and me both, old chap. I never had a maid in all my life. Thank goodness.

And I agree that new things can bring down even the smartest person. Not that I think I'm all that smart. But after many years in the village, I finally made it across the Atlantic. The very first microwave I laid my hands on, I short-circuited that sucker with my village mentality. I put a frying pan in there and was attempting to fry me some dry maize. Blew up the fuses and everything.


mukolwe wrote :
> i know, new things can embarrass even the smartest person. i grew up in the
> village so i really don't have any experience with maids except the ones i
> used to see when i visited my siblings/relatives ku kalale.
>
> i think they (maids) put up with a lot of abuse for very little money and
> most of them are pretty hard working. sure at times they might steal some
> sugar or to salad just so they can go feed their families back home.
>
> kalebalika mukwai

[Laquisha]

hubby can have her if that's his fancy. If he can be diverted from all that i have he can go to the class he deserves..... hell but not in my house.....

[Poto]

Laquisha,

What you are trying to tell me is that the stupidest woman in the world is the one who hires a good looking maid. I have to agree with you on that point.

Although truth be told, there are some men who will screw anything on two legs. As long as opportunity presents itself. Damn the looks.

I remember an acquaintance of mine who told me that the eyes are on the big head not the small head. This was in response to my questioning him why in heaven’s name he was screwing the ugliest woman on God’s good earth. His argument of course was that his penis knows not what it cannot see.

[Latoya]

My one year old son was ill and I got a prescription for an antibiotic (amoxyl) and cough mixture. I gave him the morning dose before going to work then instructed my maid to give both medicines in the afternoon. When i came back all the medicine bottles were empty. I asked my maid what had happened and she calmly replied, 'you said I should give him both medicines'. She just gave the kid both 100ml bottles and told him to drink all up. From then on I medicate my own kids. God knows what else the kids have been given in my absence..........

[Laquisha]

Even more stupid is the hubby who risks losing me for a full grown woman who has to be taught how to cook, clean, wash, etc.stuff my mother taught me when i was 5..... i'd rather move to better less stupid men than lower myself to that.

don't mistake my words for arrogance, i respect maids and hubbies as long as they know their place.....

[Poto]

Speaking of acquaintances. I avoid calling them friends because I'd rather keep my distance from these shady characters.

Another acquaintance confessed to me that in her younger days when she worked as a maid, she would over-medicate the kids with drowsy causing medication, so they could fall asleep and not bother her.

If you have the means people, rig your entire house with hidden cameras and catch those maids screwing your stupid hubby or messing with your kid’s health.


By the way Latoya, you are lucky that your son survived the maid's stupidity. An over-dose of medication can very easily kill.

[Latoya]

@poto

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.... At least amoxyl is not that bad but he peed it out all week. Never again!!!