Most Weird Things Maids Do

[Spa]

When I was younger we had a maid who would spend the day napping on the sofa. All the adults where out and she would tell me not to make too much noise with my friends as we were disturbing her. Before leaving, she then ran herself a hot bath, used our toiletries and clean towels leaving the bath in a state. I mean dirty hand and foot prints on the tiles and walls like it was a traditional dancer who had spent the whole day dancing in mud who took a bath while doing wall gymnastics. Needless to say she was physically removed from the house on the second day she reported for work.

Then we had this maid who used to pop kids every year by some random drunk she met in some shabeen. She had about 10 kids from different men last time we heard from her, come rain season she would leave to go and sell maize and things by the road side and come back begging for a job later. These two women come to mind when I think of a maid and always come to mind when I read some horny husband is screwing the help....I mean seriously? It says a lot about the class and standards of that man.

Unless maids have evolved with time in terms of hygiene and sometimes arrogance for a sensible man to think 'Mmmmm I think I want to leave my wife for the help'.

[Chigamba]

My darling Spa,

Learn from masters of lies like me Chigamba. When I tell a lie, even big men weep like little school girls because my lie is so believable.

You say: "...a maid who would spend the day napping on the sofa. All the adults where out and she would tell me not to make too much noise with my friends as we were disturbing her. Before leaving, she then ran herself a hot bath..."

Then you say: "Needless to say she was physically removed from the house on the second day she reported for work."

You see my darling, in the first line you made it sound like this was an ongoing thing. Definitely not something that lasted one or two days. Then in the second line you help expose your own lies. No, no, no! My darling Spa, that' not how professional liars do it. Please go back to lying school :)

[Spa]

Mr(Mrs?) Chigamba

This is the problem liars have, they tend to eye the whole world with a suspicious eye thinking everyone is doing what they do.

Maybe I will rephrase my wording and make it more clear so you don't come back to give me stick about lies. Here goes...

When I was in grade 5 my family employed a new maid to help look after my siblings and I. I was the oldest at the time. Our school was a good 5 minute walk from home and the new maid's first day happened to be my grade's sports day so I was home early. When I got home I found her doing some half arsed cleaning and then made a hearty lunch for herself(big pap) without asking me if I was hungry or making any food for me nor my sisters who would be home after lunch. After that she lay down on the sofa, watched some tv and later came outside to ask me and my friends not to make noise as we where disturbing and went back to snore on the sofa - let's not forget the state she left the bath, to this day I still cannot comprehend how one can leave such marks in such places. That was her first and last day as my father was waiting for her to show up the next day so he could tell her things she would remember for a while before removing her from our property.
No it was not an ongoing thing as she did not last.

I hope this clears up a few things my dear.

[Chigamba]

It’s Professor, my darling Spa. Professor Chigamba. The Professor title, of course, having been conferred upon me by my peers. In honor of my excellence in lies :)

Hey Spa my darling, I believe you. Pease don’t pay attention to my 'monkeying' around. So you once had a complete bitch for a maid. For two days! I believe you, darling. I mean, who could ever fabricate such a cockamamie tale?? It’s gotta be fact.

[Spa]

Prof

A day dear, a day. Not two days,second day she did not get a chance to catch a glimpse of the sofa as she was fired upon reporting for day two.

Prof, you are wasting your talents here. I am not sure where you are but consider setting up an organisation that helps the law in catching sneaky lying characters instead of beating liar drums on DZ.

I hope your profession does not get you wired one day or have your face rearranged because of it. All the best dear.

[Chigamba]

Spa my darling,

Thank you. I will take your suggestion under advisement. Yes I could use some extra coins, if I could learn how to apply my skill to the benefit of civil society.

But my darling Spa, I still feel I should have a pep talk with your parents. What ever possessed them to hire a maid without a good background check and without giving her an entry exam before entrusting her with the entire house and the children?? If I was hiring a maid (something I never plan to do), I imagine I would ask the prospective maid to thrill me with her expertise, while I watch and take notes. I’m sure a maid like your 1-day maid would never make the cut.

Although I realize these things are easier said than done. Easy for me to say since I have never and will never hire a maid.

[Spa]

Prof

You know how it was back in the days when looking for a maid. You ask your neighbour's maid if she knows anyone, the maid then goes back to her hood with word of a job mu ma yard and then you have are landed with sleeping beauty for a maid. Our parents did things different back then and looking back, very relaxed about trust issues. I for one would never entrust a maid with my child, even if she was screened by the FBI, CIA and M15 - NO WAY!

[Zambia in the Sun]

What about that maid who was caught mixing hard liquor into the children’s drinks so they could go to sleep and she doesn’t have to deal with them

[nytnyt]

At least mine used cough mixture to sedate the kids.....

[Zambia in the Sun]

nytnyt
liquor for kids is bad enough. enough Cough medicine to sedate the kids is even worse. Cough medicine has alcohol plus other funky crap in it. That's my opinion. But to paraphrase brother Spa, the best medicine is never to hire a maid in a million years.

[Meme]

Chishupu Mwaninyela wrote :
> Really weired things that maids do, I am a male and when I was a kid my
> mum left me with the maid just like what all of you do. One day, the maid
> took me to her bedroom and she removed her panties, widely opened her
> thighs and showing me her clitos. Like she is playing with it, she said to
> me "this is what they call a bean".

I prefer Chishupu's maid because my children will watch live adults movies when I am away. What a generous maid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please dear Zambia help out to get me one of the maids like the one for Chishupu if you kow any. Ya!Ya!Ya!Ya! yes my children will know kabeans.

[nytnyt]

Zambia in the Sun wrote :
> nytnyt
> liquor for kids is bad enough. enough Cough medicine to sedate the kids is
> even worse. Cough medicine has alcohol plus other funky crap in it. That's
> my opinion. But to paraphrase brother Spa, the best medicine is never to
> hire a maid in a million years.


I'm totally aware of the dangers of cough mixture, was only saying at least it wasn't a brandy, whisky and vodka cocktail.....

[Zambia in the Sun]

hey nytnyt iwe, don't be argumentative. he he he.

anyway seriously my friend, I hope you, like me and my bro Spa, are not planning to put the lives of your own children in the hands of some juvenile maid or any kind of maid for that matter.